You know you're a NASCAR fan if.......
If you can't balance your checkbook, but CAN explain the point system.
Ya run out of gas and try to explain to the cop (who's giving you a sobriety test) your weaving from lane to lane was just an attempt to get fuel into the pickup.
You teach your child to count like this... 1 Park, 2 Wallace, 3 Earnhardt, 4 Hamilton, 5 Terry Labonte, 6 Martin, etc. and then it confuses him because of the driver changes every year!
When you have an accident, the first thing you try to do is pull off the steering wheel.
The second thing you do is blame Kenny Irwin.
Every time you rotate your tires at home you put the stop watch to it and record the time and try to better it next time.
If you're sitting behind someone at a red light, and when it changes, you yell, "GREEN! GREEN! GREEN! GO! GO! GO!
If you were Rusty you would have just gone when the other light turned yellow!
You know you're a Rusty Wallace fan if you go on green and cop pulls you over for going too soon on the green.
Time yourself on your wrist watch when you pull into the self serve gas n go.
On an Interstate exit ramp you stay on the outside to keep the RPMs up.
If you try the left foot braking method and kiss the windshield.
If you draft with a Fox Photo delivery car because "that Kodak car is stout."
If you get away from a Lowe's delivery truck as quickly as possible.
If you make sure to stay under 55 as you leave the gas pumps.
If you say "But officer, I wasn't tailgating, I was drafting"
Your name your first born Dale Jarrett (insert last name here).
You paint a large 6 on the side of your brand new taurus (or 3 for any chevy car)
You respond to motor noises
Watch tapes of old rain delays
plan family vacations around a race date
have a poster of Benny Parsons above your bed
When you pass someone on the highway you refer to it as taking them on the inside.
You pull into the gas station behind someone else just to see if you can beat them out. (requires the wife to clean the windshield & son to check the tires).
You take your 4yr old son with you because you need a spotter.
you know what "The Cale Scale" is....
you know what a "whopper" of an engine is.... you remember the only time a "winner" was black flagged, and couldn't sit still for days because you were so ticked....
counting the cars to work as positions gained and when they pass you positions lost.
If you sign up for flu shots (at work) on Friday so you can fake sick in order to get home in time to see qualifying.
how about riding behind the same two dumdums riding side by side for SOOOOoooo long, that you decide to make it three wide down the front stretch, and pass them in the emergency lane (after looking, of course)
When your buddy is passing someone on the interstate, you're in the passenger seat yelling,"CAR HIGH !!!.....CLEAR!!
Only the driver's side of your windshield gets cleaned.
you can get 12 cans of pop. 4 quarts of Gatorade, and 8 sandwiches into a 14" cooler and NOT squash anything.
you think nothing of getting up at 4am, driving for 5 hours, sitting in a traffic backup for 3 hours, baking in the sun, spending 5 hours to get out of the parking lot, driving 5 hours home, getting up the next morning at 5 am, going to work on 3 hours sleep, and telling everybody what a GREAT time you had.
you line your diecasts up in the same order as the starting grid each week.
you rearrange your diecasts to match the grid during cautions
you have a mini winners circle for your diecasts
you get caught stealing the lifesize cut out of your favorite driver from Foodlion.
you put together an extra 1/32 scale Revell Snaptite to have a backup in the 1/32 rig you have.
When you drive up close behind somebody in hopes you can "get him loose" in order to be able to pass him.
Your mechanic has to remind you to stop referring to him as "your crew chief"
If every time you hop out at the gas station, you yell to your wife to time you.
If you have ever told you body shop guy "just pull the fender out with your hands" because you want to get back out there and trade some more paint.
If your wife has to keep telling you it's "your damn driveway, notvictory circle".
If your find yourself having a tough time explaining to the patrol officer why you fell asleep and hit the wall during heavy traffic. (Sorry Dale, it was too good to pass up)
you install an ignition kill switch in the center of the dash in your Geo Metro.
you refer to the family station wagon as the "team hauler" (or "war wagon").
you blow a flat on the highway and get mad because it took you more than 19 seconds to change it.
the big story at your parties is how you put Jeff Gordon (or other name here) into the wall at Talladega in your Nascar Racing 2 game.
you have AAA "TripTiks" that show how to get to all of the tracks, but you've never been to a race.
you hit the car in front of you, and tell the police officer "Rubbin' is racin'!"
you think the first car at a stoplight is "on the pole."
you have to eat macaroni and cheese for a month because you bought too much memorabilia at the track.
you've ever seriously considered putting an "onboard camera" in your car.
at a stop light with two lanes each direction, you pull into the left lane because you 'qualified faster' than the guys on the right.
you have planned out a route to work where you only have to turn left.
when the wife asks how your day was you start by saying, "Well, I had a real good car today..."
you go on long trips with a buddy driving another car. You drive right on his rear bumper "drafting" to the front.
you consider slower cars in the left lane as "lapped traffic".
you peel out of gas stations loudly and try to beat your buddy to the on ramp to get "the preferred line".
when traffic slows or stacks up, you wave your right hand from side to side, signaling to your buddy that there is trouble ahead.
before traffic begins to resume regular speed again, you find yourself weaving side to side warming up the tires to optimum tempature.
at gas station stop #2 you actually let a half pound of air out of the tires to fix that "push" you picked up after the 1st stop.
when a car comes flying up from behind, you speed up trying to stay "on the lead lap". If he passes you, you try to pass him back to "get your lap back".
at gas station stop #3 you "block" your buddy in his "pit stall" preventing him from beating you out of the pits.
when even though you are not religious, you start thinking about being reincarnated as a NASCAR driver *if* you come back after you die.
let your buddy pass you at least once so he can get 5 bonus points.
make sure you pass him back in time for the halfway money.
if you suit up in a firesuit and put on racing gloves and a racing helmet just to play Nascar Racing on the computer.
you paint your motorcycle helmet the same colors of your favorite drivers just so you can be like them.
when renting a car, you ask for a black Monte Carlo.
You know you're a Gordon fan if The light turns green
and you just sit there and wait for the yellow.